I had to walk in…
It was cold and it was dark, darker than I last remember it.
It smelled like something had died, it was scary as shit,
But I could not run any more….
I ran and ran … I changed roads and journeys…all I wanted was to not have to walk in…
But I could not run any more…
I stood outside the entrance for ages,
I felt broken…..I felt lost……. I felt terrified,
I knew I looked stupid but I was terrified.
So much scared me, and this was possibly the scariest of everything.
This was chaos…it was fucking chaos,
It was unfair and ugly.
I could not understand it, I could not feel it properly, I could not beat it..
I shouted, I blamed, I got very fucking angry and very fucking lost…
It was always in the corner of every portrait taken, sitting staring at me,
I could feel it’s eyes piercing through my stomach.
But now it’s time, I’ve had enough…
I told my self I was ready, I told my self it was time,
I told my self … I could not run any more!!