I could not run any more

I had to walk in…

It was cold and it was dark, darker than I last remember it.

It smelled like something had died, it was scary as shit,

But I could not run any more….

I ran and ran … I changed roads and journeys…all I wanted was to not have to walk in…

But I could not run any more…

I stood outside the entrance for ages,

I felt broken…..I felt lost……. I felt terrified,

I knew I looked stupid but I was terrified.

So much scared me, and this was possibly the scariest of everything.

This was chaos…it was fucking chaos,

It was unfair and ugly.

I could not understand it, I could not feel it properly, I could not beat it..

I shouted, I blamed, I got very fucking angry and very fucking lost…

It was always in the corner of every portrait taken, sitting staring at me,

I could feel it’s eyes piercing through my stomach.

But now it’s time, I’ve had enough…

I told my self I was ready, I told my self it was time,

I told my self … I could not run any more!!

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